Kirstie's story
Kirstie has a sister four years older than her with cerebral palsy, autism and epilepsy. She helped her mum to care for her sister growing up. We spoke to mum, Sue, and to Kirstie about her time with Honeypot.
A parent's view from mum Sue
Kirstie started helping care for her sister and other duties from the age of 4, from cooking and cleaning to entertaining.
“Kirstie was a mini-me as I was on my own. I always felt very guilty, and still do, that she didn’t have the same sort of childhood that other children had. She couldn’t have friend’s come around to play or go to friend’s houses and birthday parties.” Sue
Young carers take on responsibilities earlier than other children and often miss out on things that many take for granted. They couldn’t celebrate Kirstie's birthday in the usual way, or do everyday activities such as going to the park or even riding the bus.
Kirstie’s sister couldn't have a bike, so she couldn’t. I wanted it to be fair. Honeypot showed her how to ride, she wouldn’t have had that opportunity otherwise. I could see the benefit in Kirstie, and the other children from having had those sorts of wonderful opportunities. It was so nice for me to know that she was able to forget about me, her sister and life at home. Her sense of responsibility lifted.” Sue
Kirstie struggled to see a representation of her sister anywhere - there weren't images of people in wheelchairs and she didn’t have the opportunity to meet other young carers at school. Young carers can be very much hidden in society, and schools may not recognise a young carer so they often slip under the radar.
"Other children didn't understand why Kirstie couldn't go to parties," says Sue. "The difference at school is that they can't share, or join in, kids can be quite ruthless. Kirstie may have found it difficult to try and explain to them why." Sue
The work Honeypot does is vital in highlighting the fact that there are many more young carers than anybody imagines. These young children have complex needs, mental health issues, and worries about finances and care duties. During the pandemic, many of them also had to isolate.
"There needs to be much more awareness and education in schools, even for teachers, people may be scared to ask, but we need to otherwise we won’t get anywhere. In secondary school, Kirstie needed the extra time to do her homework, the pressure is a lot more intense and it was very difficult. It’s really great that Honeypot is that flagship voice for these children who often don’t have a voice.” Sue
Where is Kirstie now?
As an adult, Kirstie has worked in roles that support the homeless with housing and employment. "I've always wanted a job where I can help people that are forgotten about in some way or looked down on, it’s always stuck with me," she explains.
"I will always remember going away for my first Honeypot break, the feeling of getting on the minibus with all the other children, not knowing where we were going. You come across a forest, then this house just appears, and it all felt so magical. A little escape in the woods." Kirstie
For Kirstie, the best part was the chance to meet other children who knew what it was like to have the same difficulties caring for someone in their family. "I made so many friends," she says. "I always remember those who had never been to the beach, I had, so it was a big realisation of what some young carers can miss out on."
"My sister's mood and attitude could change a lot growing up. It could be tough at home sometimes as I didn’t know what the atmosphere would be. The chance to get away from all the responsibility and worry. It was just freeing." Kirstie
Kirstie thinks that ‘Happy Memories and Brighter Futures’ is the perfect tagline for Honeypot. "Honeypot is like a family," she says. "When I attended the carers festival some of the team members still recognised me, year after year. Receiving the birthday cards, and all the little things Honeypot does throughout the year, despite not being at the house physically, made everything better."
Kirstie has volunteered and done lots of sponsored events to raise money for Honeypot, so we can continue to help other children the way we helped her. She knows first hand how essential the work we do is. Sue and Kirstie recently attended one of our garden parties at Honeypot Hampshire and the memories came flooding back:
"I still had the same magical feeling coming through the trees, that escape, there's nothing quite like it. It’s amazing to see the improvements to the house since I was here, but it still has the same magic feeling!” Kirstie
We're grateful to Kirstie and so many of our Honeypot alumni who stay in touch to support us and provide inspiration to other young carers visiting us today.
