Meet Max
Max is a 10 year old young carer. Max’s Dad had a severe stroke 18 months ago at Christmas, six weeks after his Mum’s father (his grandfather) passed away. This came completely out of the blue; his Dad was only 50 at the time. After the stroke Dad was no longer mobile, having to use a wheelchair and a mobility scooter to get around. Dad now has significant memory problems and is often confused, he finds understanding even simple things difficult, for example making a decision about what he would like to eat. He also suffers from a profound speech impediment and finds it very difficult to communicate.
Max now supports his Mum in caring for his Dad, helping with everyday tasks around the home, like lifting and carrying things that Dad can no longer do, helping his father to dress and helping him to communicate. Sadly, he still cannot say Max’s name. After his initial stroke he also suffered from mental health issues which was hard on all the family. The mental health distress was even more difficult than the physical disabilities they have faced and Dad needed to go back into hospital to get treatment for this.
Unfortunately, Max’s Mum, after struggling for a year had to give up her job in the NHS in order to support Dad with his many appointments and other requirements. This means that money has been very tight for the family as they have lost both incomes in the last year and Mum is no longer able to take Max out to do lots of the things his friends are doing.
“It’s sad because I cannot go out and play with my Dad – or kick a ball about with him like other kids do.”
Max himself was diagnosed as autistic when he was just two years old. One of the biggest impacts on him is that he worries a lot about his Dad. He worries constantly that he might fall and that there will be no one there to help him get up. Mum said that Max’s worry and stress have also been transferred to her, and he is always checking up that she is okay if she is away or occupied for too long.
He also struggled at school after his Dad’s stroke and his initial hospitalisation for several months. His Mum managed to get him some external support and someone to talk to at school, someone outside the home environment which she thinks is very important. As well as this Mum was keen to get Max onto The Honeypot Children’s Charity service, and she contacted us repeatedly until there was a free space.
Max attended his first Respite Break at Honeypot House in Hampshire this year. A little unsure at first but Mum showed him photos on the website and when he finally went - he absolutely loved it! Max said he loved doing so many things at Honeypot House – go karting, water fights and playing video games - they even went to Paulton’s Park one day. Mum told us that this was fantastic because they cannot afford to go there and she was incredibly pleased that Max had the opportunity to go with new friends.
“My favourite thing was playing football outside with the others. I felt happier after coming back from Honeypot House.”
It was also great for Max to meet other young carers like himself and to realise that he is not alone. He came away with some other children’s numbers and was keen to connect with them later on. Max said it really helped him to know that they were all the same but that being a young carer wasn’t something they talked about: “We were there to just forget about it.”
Max’s Mum added: “It’s nice that they were given the option to talk about their individual circumstances but really they were there to just have fun and be children.” She told us how impressed she was with Honeypot, particularly the variety of things to do there with something to suit every child’s taste.
“Max absolutely loved it! He came back and he was glowing and of course me having a little break was also really good for him. He said to me a couple of days later “I miss the children I was with”. So they clearly bonded well with each other!
And it wasn’t just about him – as a parent it was so good for me to have a break too. I hardly ever get time at home on my own. If I’m happier I am able to be a better parent to Max. I feel very guilty he won’t get a holiday for the foreseeable future, but the stay at Honeypot House is even better than any holiday because of all the activities the children can do.”